Is open-heartedness a physical thing? Or, is it mental, emotional, maybe spiritual?

I believe it’s all of the above. If we are grounded and relaxed, spiritually bright, accepting and open minded, our hearts can sustain openness. On the other hand, as stressed, resistant, always fighting the darkness in our world, and negative, our hearts close down as a matter of survival, both physically and emotionally.

Our hearts are forever and intricately linked to our souls, so if we really want to follow our soul path, complete our soul mission, or simply make soul choices each day, we must maintain an open channel between our hearts and voices, our hearts and minds. Since a relaxed body and open mind are part and parcel to an open heart, we must also address our stress levels or forever speak to the illusion, following a life path that is contrived and at best, not our own.

It could be really simple; we could just say “open sesame,” and be done with it. Unfortunately, most of us don’t believe in ourselves or have that much amusement to raise our vibrations high enough to “just open our hearts.” I wish it was that easy for me.

What does work in the moment, every time, is a nice deep breath. It opens everything and relaxes the body. Breath moves from the upper into the lower energy centers through the heart. When we’re stressed, we breathe in the shallows because everything else is in knots, a pattern designed to hold tension, not heart.

One of my biggest struggles in life is showing my vulnerability, being around and staying engaged with people when I feel uncertain. Part of this is birth related, part of it is what I choose on a daily basis. My choices, like most people, are based on early programming embedded so deeply in my subconscious, it seems as though I have no choice at times. It has been a fairly long education process to regularly disbelieve what my mind tells me, and pay no attention to the woman behind the curtain telling me how my past experiences anchor my current day vibration.

This is not an anomaly, it’s life for you too, and the whole of humanity. We are all products of our birth, our upbringing, our interpretations of all that has happened, or better said, the human condition, created by our very own memories. Many of us have an academic knowledge of this phenomenon, yet we still go multiple rounds with it every day, fighting to be kind, accepting and compassionate. The problem is, when we are “nice” we are often play-acting and the recipients of our attempts at friendly cooperation to cover up judgment can feel this falsity. We are a society based on political correctness, not heartfelt expression. And if it’s not sensed overtly, the soul always knows, and at some point all is revealed.

The nicest people in your life are probably the best actors! Our society breeds this, especially in women born before 1960. We are brought up with subtle little programs like this: “if you can’t say anything nice, then don’t say anything at all;” and, “sugar and spice and everything nice, that’s what girls are made of.”

As adults we can, if we look, see our reflections in all our relationships. To survive or at least to compensate, we often run, hide, conveniently forget or participate in and overdo talk therapy, communication workshops and anger management. While these are great temporary mind-openers, they are not always heart-openers, especially in the long term. Post-course good behavior lasts maybe a week if we are lucky, and when the subconscious pressure builds, we act out again.

Another way people try to open their hearts is by seeking out traumatic, heart-wrenching television and movies, sad love stories, gossip about other people’s lives to evoke heart expression, or even makeup their own stories, relieving the pressure valve for grief and anything else trapped in our hearts. And these practices serve to further ingrain these states of being, rather than expunge them. It’s a lot like a drug and is the antithesis of an open heart. Please don’t mistake these vulnerable lower emotional vibrations for a heart opening.

Then there are those who anesthetize themselves in some way after a stressful day and feel good for a few hours. A little wine, a cigarette, even a hard workout. Upon awakening the next morning they feel worse than they did the night before, ultimately and slowly increasing the dosage to feel better. That’s the nature of addiction and even though we aren’t ingesting a substance in this instance, we are shooting ourselves in the arm with chemicals nonetheless. The body is always looking for stasis and by suppressing stress, we can actually trigger it, falsely.

In addition, there are studies now about brain patterns indicating it takes only 5 days of repeated behavior (in this case, some sort of emotional, mental or physical stress or suppression of stress) to create a new negative pattern, and between 21-40 days to establish a new, more proactive habit or pattern that breaks the entrenched action. This is interesting to note for people who have bouts of depression, anger or rage, go on eating binges and other such compelling producers of chemical release in the body.

There are many spiritual programs that suggest meditation is the answer, and I agree, yet if the body isn’t healthy enough to launch a new state of being, the heart will again only open during the act of meditation, becoming accustomed to that event and timing, then it snaps shut again when the meditation is complete. Even though it builds core strength and resilience over time, it’s a little like the story of going to church on Sundays with your grandmother and then going out on a sociopathic rampage the next. We really must be meditative as a lifestyle, not just once in while.

There are many ways we can begin to re-train ourselves to respond differently to our stresses, no matter what their origins and make-up. Always a building process, we must begin with a strong foundation and build up from there. Certainly there are miraculous moments when everything is perfectly aligned and we just shift the way point without a lot of planning and attention to the details. Typically though, our bodies need to be on the healthier side before we can begin to handle the emotional, mental and spiritual aspect of our stress. We need to learn to focus and practice that regularly. Often this stability or transformation happens on all levels simultaneously, and physical balance is a big part of that.

How do we begin? Let’s look first at the physical body and two ways we can easily de-stress everyday.

Magnesium is one of the most common missing elements and one of the most important minerals for a healthy body. It affects calcium absorption, bone strength, heart function (it is administered in high doses to people with arrhythmia), brain chemical balance and digestion just to name a few. This wonder-filled mineral is also classified as an adaptagen, something our body utilizes to reduce environmental stresses, whatever they may be. Research suggests that magnesium is necessary for every physiological function in our bodies. It’s also known to be a great relaxer, induces sleep, alleviates muscle cramps, twitches and gently helps the autonomic nervous system switch over from a stress to a relaxation response.

Another wonderful de-stresser is Restorative Yoga. While there are many group classes available in most cities, this form is as simple as lying on your back on the floor with supportive props under your knees, neck and head, resting and breathing consciously in a comfortable pose for at least 5 minutes. There are several books, DVD’s and CD’s about Restorative Yoga as well, helping you to relax your body by supporting the muscles and bones which in turn relaxes the nervous system and ultimately calms the mind so you can go inward, listening to your own inner guidance.

This is the whole point of relaxing; listening and communicating with your soul, opening your heart and ultimately connecting your heart to your mind and your voice. The Energetic Connection offers online courses, audios, movements and breathing exercises, as well as sacred journeys to help you open your body to spirit, quickening the rhythms of change.