“How well do you really want to be?” That’s what my osteopath asked me yesterday.

I understood what he meant on a very deep level, and yet I couldn’t answer his question in that moment because something inside me knew I wasn’t then able to commit to what could be considered a risky proposition. My mind lied, immediately saying, “Perfectly well; as well as possible.” My soul eased in reminding my mind, “You know this goes deeper than what you have ever experienced and it means healing the subtle body or etheric connections into all your organs, your Chakras, nerve plexi and more.”

Instead of answering in that moment, I nodded and smiled to let him know. “I think I get what you mean.” What I do know is that my crown and root Chakras are not balanced; even though I am anchored in my body, my energy sits mostly up above my solar plexus, pressing on my head a lot. He’d also prescribed a special powder that would eventually connect my “poles” mentioning that it may be uncomfortable at some point.

I understood this too, though I stopped taking the remedy at the first sign of subtle symptoms. It’s been sitting on my nightstand for a few weeks now, waiting for the moment I decide to get over myself and move on.

Yesterday I had a brief, even mental conversation with a friend about the connections between spiritual and physical worlds, how they blend, how we humans get caught in the polarity of that dichotomy and how we bounce between the two. All the while, I knew there was a missing link and what I felt in my body, what I knew in my soul, was very different from what I was saying. It was all sort of lost in translation, again.

I’d had an epiphany about the stiffness in my joints the day before and I found myself telling another friend that it was a purely physical stamp of dis-ease from early infancy. I can still see her shaking her head in confusion. The comment surprised me too because I’d always been a firm proponent of the “everything is energy school.” I kept talking though, knowing I was on track and that this condition was only part of the first six months of my life and never perpetuated as I grew up. Initially a cheap way to feed an orphaned infant, my corn syrup and evaporated milk nutritional program was put to rest by my very healthy minded adoptive parents, never to be seen again. Out of sight, out of mind. Even so, the stamp had been imprinted and despite the shift in eating, my baby body was never properly healed back then. It lay dormant for almost five decades.

With many years of spiritual healing and energy work, I have healed much of it myself. Yet like an old skin wound or incision, the physical scar still remains and its calcification interferes with my current ability to connect the dots between physical and spiritual energies. Remember, this stamp was in my bones. In some ways, I may have found all the right physical remedies and all the right spiritual healing powers, yet because they’ve been speaking different languages, operating autonomously within their private realms, a full reconciliation was never reached.

The magic powder, I believe, will open and connect these pathways, strengthening my etheric body.

Weeks before, when I stopped taking it, the osteopath suggested I reflect on its properties while keeping in mind this anthroposophical remedy will heal my organs and change my thinking. I knew when he said it there were no words in my brain, at least no words that made their way to my tongue, to express how much I understood him, and also how much I knew I was in resistance. Well, I must have done at least some reflecting since then, because I’m back on the remedy and today I can find a few things to say that convey what is known deep inside of me, and all of us.

“How well do you really want to be?” is in direct relationship with another question I’ve heard, “How much do you really want to know?!”