Self Mastery: Day Seventeen

Yesterday I became caught in a vortex of high strung, amped up social energy.

Because I really like to interact, I often find myself engaged, no entrenched, in a stew of chitty, chatty ping pong.

And I usually run away feeling swarmed by crawly things after it’s over.

It’s really dizzying, even creepy, and once I see where I’ve landed, I typically want to scream, flail my arms as though I’ve been swarmed, and I scram. So, that’s what I do, although more quietly.

Yesterday was no different, though instead of becoming part of the hysteria just to stay in the game, I wandered into a corner for a few clean breaths and watched the scene from which I’d just extracted myself.

From that place I could see so much more than when I’m inside it, of course.

I could see that under most circumstances like this one, I charge my life force in the same outlet as all the frenetic, buzzing, talking heads around me.

Don’t get me wrong, I usually know there is definitely something amiss and I always disengage. The big difference yesterday was I didn’t squint my eyes in judgement, I didn’t sweep down my arms or the rest of my body to rid myself of the buggy feeling. I didn’t run or resist the people who chose to engage in this way.

I just watched and breathed and looked around at what I wanted to look at. I allowed them to do whatever they wanted without inserting my critique or blanketing them with disdain. I stopped trying to change it and them.

The bugs sort of left me alone after that. Thank God I didn’t suffer, again!



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